Summer in Snapshots

Crazy to look back and realize all these pictures and the growing I've done around them happened in under six months! I really feel like I grew up this summer. 

Homeschool formal!! I found my dress at Goodwill and altered it a bit (added straps, some extra fabric, and shortened it). My little sis is in the green in the first picture, and my little (or not so little...) brother in the red plaid in the second. 

Yeah, that's me with my pocket knife at the dance.... I mean, what else am I supposed to do when a night of dancing rips my dress a little? This picture might sum me up more than any other. :P

Wherein I actually meet some of my college-mates. ;) We had a ton of fun at the Creation Museum, and ended up spending hours outside playing Settlers of Catan, Apples to Apples, and Liar.

Lauren and I hiked all morning at a nature preserve through four-inch high poison ivy.... but neither of us got it! :D

Gathering hay (ahem, mowed tall grass from around the property) to mulch the garden with! I also failed and then kinda succeeded at backing this thing up in a straight line. Hint: when first learning to back a tricky trailer, don't put yourself in a situation where backwards and turning is the only way out. *facepalm* A super short coupling distance + lack of experience = dad had to come rescue me.

My garden. If you've never tried mulching, you should! It keeps the weeds down, the moisture in, and adds a layer of organic material that turns into fertilizer. 8)

Love those boots! Seriously. Lace-up and waterproof all the way! Much comfier then tennis shoes, but maybe that's because I wear these more than anything else.

Lightning, Eddie, Chance, Valentine, Frisky, Rachel, Joey, Tinkerbelle.....

Alex-pony

Trail guiding on Selah

Riding downhill at work, somehow managing to not drop my phone.

Gardening - that's how I roll! 

Summer staff at Gull Lake Ministries - I'm in there somewhere (second row from the front, sixth from the left if you need help)!

Snow cone duty at camp

Hanging out at Lake Michigan on our time off

I made sauce from my tomatoes, onions, and basil! Yum. :)

Becca, our (currently very pregnant) riding instructor and Lauren. This was after our last lesson together before Lauren headed off to college - Becca's been teaching the two of us every week for five years!

Beth (hiding in Lauren's hair), Lauren, and I before Lauren left for college - fourteen hours away! 'Twas a sad day, but I'm pretty excited to see where God takes both of us.

Love this place! Not everyone gets to work in a Christian environment with plenty of awesome people, good hard work, and riding horses in the woods!

Isn't God a breathtaking artist? This is Sundae - she's got one blue eye, and I ride her nearly every week for lessons. 

Focus

I could feel myself loosing it. I was tensing, preparing, focusing on those poles dead ahead. Canyon did too, his stride quickening and head bobbing up high. Nervous. 
My instructor - she's so wise. How an person can know just exactly what I'm doing wrong is beyond me. It's like she's the one riding, not me. Just in time she spoke:
"Don't even think about the poles. Just focus on your canter,"
My mind twitched, rerouted. The poles were there, approaching fast. But they were of no consequence. For three crucial seconds I focused on Canyon's canter, not the poles. 
I relaxed, gathered my reins, pulled Canyon up under me. 
Then they were behind me; not perfectly done, but done well. 

Get a horse in frame, collected, listening to his rider.... and the obstacles, the jumps, and staying calm around spooky raincoats... they just happen. And they happen so much better, so much simpler, than when the rider sees the jump, the jump, and only that jump. 

My God - He's so wise. How He can know just exactly what I'm doing wrong is very much beyond me. It's like He's the one living, not me. And just in time, He speaks.
Child, don't even think about your mountain-struggles. Just focus on your walk, your ride, your relationship with me.

Because when we focus on Him - loving Him, obeying Him, adoring Him.... everything else fades and it just happens. Those impossible problems, that unraveling to-do list, that dying relationship... God will take us over. 

So trust Him, my friend. Trust Him and take your eyes off that mountain. Focus. Focus on Him. And you're gonna fly.

On the Edge | Conversation

Some of you may know that I work as a trail guide. I get to spend a whole hour with strangers on horseback in the middle of the woods. Most of the time these people respect me because I know more about horses and the trails we're taking than they do, so it's a perfect opportunity to have some good conversations. You know, about God and life and such. 

But they're strangers. 

And I'm terrified of talking to them, to tell you the truth. But. (deep breath...) Today I'm stepping out to the edge. I'm going to make a concerted effort to hand my fear to God and start a meaningful conversation with someone on a ride today. You can do this too! Even if you aren't on horseback, make a point of stepping beyond the small talk today and showing someone you love them by talking about things they need to hear. Ask them how you can pray for them, or tell them about what God has been teaching you lately. 

For some of you, this will be easier than it will be for me. But let's take a deep breath, step out, and make a difference today! 

*Update*
God completely blessed my socks off. You know how scared I was about this? Well, I prayed about it a bit, but I honestly didn't expect God to make it any easier than I imagined. But He's God, you know? He doesn't live in my expectations. 
I started talking to a girl behind me on a trail ride, wracking my brain to bring up something about God or church without sounding awkward. It wasn't working, so I ended up just chatting with her about the horses. She asked me if I knew the story behind any of the horse's names, so I told her about one story I knew. Then I remembered the ponies named Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. I mentioned them, but it took a second for my mind to adjust to the glaring opportunity staring me down. 
"Do you know the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego?" I asked, fully expecting her to know it. 
She didn't.
And then God convicted me and worked everything out at the same time.
See, I know the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. But not well enough to rattle off at a moment's notice. So God convicted me to learn that story well, as a tool in future conversations. 
But He worked everything out anyway.
When I mentioned that the story was in the Bible, the girl told me that she was actually reading through the Bible! This led to a conversation about her Wednesday night church group and about the Bible. 

God showed up, guys.

He showed up when I was terrified but when I stepped out in faith anyway. 

That. was. awesome.

Whispers on Horseback

    My body stiffened, jaw tightening. A brown head flashed up then down in front of me. Just hold still, will you? My mind screamed, and my hands urged the same through the taught leather reins. Tenebrae's mane flashed again, and she vigorously chomped her bit and pranced sideways. I pressed my leg and heel into her side and hauled back on the reins. My efforts solicited a few stilted steps in the general backwards direction I desired, but as soon as I released the pressure from my hands, Tenebrae shifted her weight forward again. I tugged on the reins, and she pranced in place. Don't you see? It's for your own good if you stand still... just chill for a second, and you'll be better off when it's your turn! I watched the rider before me sail over a jump, then returned my attentions to Little Miss Impatient. Through my seat, hands, and legs, I could feel Tenebrae working herself into a frenzy as she fought my command to be still. It was a simple thing, to be still. And for her own good, besides. But still she fought her rider. Her master. 

BAM. 

    There, in the hazy arena, on the back of a thousand pound bay beauty, I understood. Myself. In an instant, thoughts and prayers from the weeks before flickered before my eyes, a mirror image of the horseflesh struggle beneath me. 

Tenebrae - I think she's sneezing in this picture :P

    Be still. Know my presence and let that be enough. My master had whispered through my devotions, day after day. In return I fought, tossing my head and craning my neck, searching for something to do, something to be. 

    Be faithful in the small things I am asking of you now. Obey me in the moment, God whispered. I was prancing in place and tugging at God's gentle guiding reins. I want to do something big! My mind screamed. I want to take off on a wild adventure with you, God. Why are you holding me in place? I was chomping at the bit, sidestepping God's guidance, and working myself into a frenzy trying to go somewhere my master did not want me to go. For the moment, that is.
    Tenebrae and I did go over the jumps. I did eventually ask her to move forward, to canter, to fly. But before that, I asked her to be still. Because if she had trotted full steam ahead with no restraint from her master, she would have messed up someone else's timing or run into another horse. There was a reason - multiple reasons - I asked her to be still. She just didn't - couldn't - understand. But because I loved her, because I wanted the best for her and everyone else, I persisted; tugging, nudging, pressing, restraining. And still she fought. 

    And still you fight, God whispered. Rest, He urged. I felt the reins tighten in my mouth. Be still, and He guided me with strong nudges of His leg. Do what I have asked of you, the little things, and wait for me to release you for the mountain ahead. Scrabbling at it's base, stretching and clawing at handholds will only tire you before I ask you to climb. Just... be still. 

Radical

    My job is amazing. I work at a Christian horse stable, so in a day's work I can do anything ranging from de-worming a hundred horses, to scooping manure, to leading trail rides. I love it, but once in a while I catch the blues, the foggy sleepy brains, or the curse of the dragging steps. Working outside with the horses is lovely (I sometimes imagine myself a true cowgirl... sensitive enough to detect a horse's thoughts, but strong enough to lift countless saddles and innumerable shovelfuls of manure. Her only enemies are the horrible horseflies and dreadful deer flies. Her constant companion and partner is her trusty steed... but I digress; maybe I'll write a whole post about my fancies someday, hmm?), but it also lends itself easily to the whims of weather, fatigue, and grumpy horses. And my mood, I'm sorry to say, tends to fluctuate with the circumstances. 

    Typically my first trail ride is pleasant. The hour passes at a reasonable pace, and the surroundings and my horse are fresh and new. But then I have to go out for another hour, or maybe a third. And I get bored. Or tired. Or my horse is bored. Or tired. Or driven crazy by ruthless insects. And as I struggle to get my impatient mount to stand still and wait for the newbies behind me to catch up for the fifteenth time in the hour, my polite cowgirl facade wears thin. Sometimes I feel more like an outlaw than a Christian cowgirl. Sometimes the patient, kind instruction I'm there to give doesn't come. Sometimes I just want to leave the poky horses and their riders in the plentiful dust behind me. 

    Then I remember: these people paid $30.00 each for what may be their once in a lifetime, first and last,  much looked forward to trail ride. Almost every one of them will be sore afterwards, and some will be sunburnt, scratched, and dirty. They were willing to sacrifice so much for an hour on my trail ride. 

    And Jesus, He called me to a radical life. He called me to love the unloveable, to give till it hurts and then beyond. He said if someone steals one thing from you, to give up the next to them as well. He said to give time and advise, patience and love to these people. He called me to a radical, beautiful life.

    Still, it's hard to remember. And even if I do remember, it's hard to do and be what I don't feel. Radical isn't what comes easy. Radical is Jesus-breathed. So those times I feel like an outlaw? Those are times I'm listening to my old boss, the outlaw cast out of heaven. 

    Yesterday, on my ride number two, outlaw whispers breathed discontent my way as I noticed yellow leaves strewn on the path. Clouds settled over my heart as I listened to the outlaw's mutterings about how sad I am that summer is breathing it's last. 

    I'm so thankful for the Holy Spirit, because at that moment an alarm went off in my heart, where He lives, and shocked me into listening to a radical Jesus-whisper. He reminded me that watching fall emerge through a frown would make me miserable. The radical Jesus-whisper told me, crystal clear, that the way to stay cowgirl sweet was to find beauty. He sent me on a radical scavenger hunt of an hour. 

    Through radical lenses, I saw and counted 100 beautiful things I never would have seen with clouded outlaw eyes. My heart gasped time and time again as I beheld beauty I'd never noticed before. Leaves and rocks and stumps and flowers took on whole new dimensions of gorgeous awe. Even though I'd ridden those trails countless times, I can honestly say that was one of the most beautiful rides I've ever had, merely because I took the radical lenses Jesus had been holding out for so long.

    My heart glowed peaceful sweet, the clouds blown away by beauty radical. Yesterday, on my ride number two, I found my cowgirl sweet spot. Yesterday, I found beauty radical. 

    I can hardly take credit for this blues-busting idea of searching out beauty, of counting blessings. In the beginning, it came from God. Then I've been reading about it here, where Ann Voskamp shares beautiful words about eucharist, which is a neat way to say "thanksgiving".

    Do you have anything you always try to do when you know it's time to let go of the grumpies?