Turning the Page

Hey friends! Life has been pretty awesome the past few months, and in my case that means a fair amount has changed since I started this blog. I've been learning a ton about farming and sustainable agriculture lately, and have found that God's really given me a passion for growing and raising healthy food. So I started a new blog to document my farming journey and to share the neat things I've been learning (you can expect recipes, tutorials, and life lessons over there) and I will be posting more regularly than I have been on here - my goal is twice a week. I'd love it if you checked it out and if you happen to want to follow it or send it on to someone who's interested in that kind of thing? Well. I'd be tickled pink. (Side note: why tickled pink? If I get tickled I'm pretty sure I turn a nice shade of red, not pink. :P) 

Here's my new blog, Hope Farm.

With that, I'm signing off this blog and I wish you a lovely rest of your day, week, month, and year! Keep living for the Lord and for goodness sake don't ever stop taking time to grin at the sunshine or hug a little one. Life's a journey. Make sure you truly live it. 

Interlude

It definitely wasn’t planned. In fact, I’d canceled other plans to be able to focus hard, all day, on school. But God’s plans aren’t mine. And our internet was down all day, meaning I couldn’t do one lick of school. Also meaning I couldn’t do a lick of online socializing or distriactifying.

Now, I’ve gone long stretches without the internet before, and focused on school before checking social media and all that. But lately, the internet has been hanging over me. Seems like there’s always just one more rabbit trail and one more funny – albeit useless – video tempting me. And I’ve turned to it again and again to occupy my time.

But something about today’s sheer inability to connect to the internet freed me. Emails weren’t even an option, not to mention other social media or Youtube. I didn’t even have to think about those things.

So there I was, staring an interlude in the face. (I like that word. So I’ll use it. :P) What to do? I copied recipes onto cards and cut articles out of a magazine. I wrote a few letters. Then I cleaned and de-cluttered my room. I threw lots of paper in the recycling, per Ariel style (i.e. if you don’t need it, toss it. Preferably at someone who needs it, but if not, in the recycling or compost bin.), and sent the dust bunnies under my bed to dust bunny heaven. Or the vacuum bag, whichever you prefer. I found all the notes my co-laborers at Gull Lake Ministries wrote me over the summer, and paragraphs I’d written in Elvish a few years back (yes. I used to know how to write Elvish. You should try it; it’s pretty easy and looks gorgeous.). I watched the snow fly lazily in every direction outside my windows as I sprawled across my bed and pecked out this post.

The day passed slowly and sweetly. Each moment seemed to be savoring life, and I did too. It was lovely. I do hope our internet is up and running tomorrow, because my school desperately needs done. But today I desperately needed this interlude. It gave me time to breathe, to get things done, and to remember that life does not revolve around my computer. 

In fact, it’s often more vibrant without. 

I'm Still Alive!!

Hello friends! I've been kind of MIA lately, haven't I? I would say I'm sorry, but honestly I'm not. See, sometimes God replaces one adventure with another, and I've been living a new season of life - a new adventure - lately. Perhaps I'll do an update post on that. Perhaps. ;) In the meantime, hop on over to the CollegePlus blog where they just posted my sixth (sixth?!?! Goodness gracious! It sounds like I'm a writer or something!) post. It's about reading and the fact that I've actually been doing quite a bit of reading lately, which is unusual for me. Anywho. Keep living the journey, friends! 

P.S. Have you read any good books lately? I'd love to add them to my humongous to-read list! Seriously. My to-read shelf on Goodreads is 121 books huge. Better get on that...

Restless

Rest·less 

Characterized by a lack of quiet, repose, or rest. Not able to rest, relax, or be still: a restless child. 

Restless child, that's me. Typically I'm steady at work and school, but yesterday when I managed to get about one third of an essay revised, stared blankly at a post I'm editing, and moved from sprawled on my bed to sitting at my desk to sitting downstairs, to perched on the porch.... I was wondering, quite frankly, what in the world had come over me. I'm self-diagnosing restlessness. 

I'm learning that sometimes it's okay to loosen up and soar with the strange breezes that spring up. So yesterday, after hours of fighting against the wind, I just let it have it's way. Forget school! Forget blogging! Forget my projects! Tomorrow, perhaps, the wind will be in their favor. 

I went outside (which I would recommend as a cure for ailments such as sadness, lethargy, anger, pent-up energy, confusion, and the like), a prime example of classiness in my black athletic pants and horse-manure caked cowboy boots. I admired the rich black soil in a corner of the woods, tucked under inches of fallen leaves. Raked loads into a ginormous black trash bag and trudged to dump them in the garden. My garden's a hoot. Blanketing the soil for the winter is a hodge-podge of hay, leaves, old plants, manure, shredded paper, and cardboard. It's a mess. Like you wanted to know that... :P 

I went for a run in the wind and the rain and listened to music, which I never do on runs. Ran a mile and a half in the rain and the mud in July in Chey - no, that's not right.... 

Then I wrote a few friends whom I've never seen in person (this online college life is strange, but it's wonderful).

Then I read, and went to bed early.

I'm still restless, which is why I'm typing here instead of in a Word document for school. But it's okay. 

It's okay to not be perfect. Because, as my mama likes to say, If we were perfect, then why would we need Jesus? If I was always on task and never procrastinated, then by golly, I'd imagine I was in charge of my life. Which we all know is a lie. So even restlessness has a purpose. Our less-than-perfect days serve to perfect us. 

Summer in Snapshots

Crazy to look back and realize all these pictures and the growing I've done around them happened in under six months! I really feel like I grew up this summer. 

Homeschool formal!! I found my dress at Goodwill and altered it a bit (added straps, some extra fabric, and shortened it). My little sis is in the green in the first picture, and my little (or not so little...) brother in the red plaid in the second. 

Yeah, that's me with my pocket knife at the dance.... I mean, what else am I supposed to do when a night of dancing rips my dress a little? This picture might sum me up more than any other. :P

Wherein I actually meet some of my college-mates. ;) We had a ton of fun at the Creation Museum, and ended up spending hours outside playing Settlers of Catan, Apples to Apples, and Liar.

Lauren and I hiked all morning at a nature preserve through four-inch high poison ivy.... but neither of us got it! :D

Gathering hay (ahem, mowed tall grass from around the property) to mulch the garden with! I also failed and then kinda succeeded at backing this thing up in a straight line. Hint: when first learning to back a tricky trailer, don't put yourself in a situation where backwards and turning is the only way out. *facepalm* A super short coupling distance + lack of experience = dad had to come rescue me.

My garden. If you've never tried mulching, you should! It keeps the weeds down, the moisture in, and adds a layer of organic material that turns into fertilizer. 8)

Love those boots! Seriously. Lace-up and waterproof all the way! Much comfier then tennis shoes, but maybe that's because I wear these more than anything else.

Lightning, Eddie, Chance, Valentine, Frisky, Rachel, Joey, Tinkerbelle.....

Alex-pony

Trail guiding on Selah

Riding downhill at work, somehow managing to not drop my phone.

Gardening - that's how I roll! 

Summer staff at Gull Lake Ministries - I'm in there somewhere (second row from the front, sixth from the left if you need help)!

Snow cone duty at camp

Hanging out at Lake Michigan on our time off

I made sauce from my tomatoes, onions, and basil! Yum. :)

Becca, our (currently very pregnant) riding instructor and Lauren. This was after our last lesson together before Lauren headed off to college - Becca's been teaching the two of us every week for five years!

Beth (hiding in Lauren's hair), Lauren, and I before Lauren left for college - fourteen hours away! 'Twas a sad day, but I'm pretty excited to see where God takes both of us.

Love this place! Not everyone gets to work in a Christian environment with plenty of awesome people, good hard work, and riding horses in the woods!

Isn't God a breathtaking artist? This is Sundae - she's got one blue eye, and I ride her nearly every week for lessons. 

Time to Stand

I stood alone in the kitchen, debating the cost. That frozen custard with my name on it? Yeah, it was pulling me hard with an invisible rope. Because what kind of girl would commit to 30 days of crazy-clean eating? Shouldn't an eighteen-year-old be enjoying life a little? These self-imposed fences: no sugar, dairy, grains, or legumes... I put them up, so it doesn't matter if I hop over them for a second, right? 

Except I had committed to this. Told friends, told family, that I was going to do this. My reasons are a story for a different day; the deal here is that I was literally ten seconds away from killing my commitment, seven days into it. After seven days of eggs and salads and sweet potatoes and simple healthy food, all I wanted was that frozen custard. I talked to God a bit, arguing with Him. He told me to go into the gorgeous sunshine and breathe. I said no, I want dessert. I closed my eyes and leaned against the wall. Then I chose disobedience and took a step to the cupboard for a bowl. 

He will provide a way out.

Oh hey, what was that? Dad pulled up to the garage, and my brother strode towards the house. 

Why is it I always want to indulge in secret? Well, scratch that plan....

BAM! God shot a hole in the temptation. A hole just big enough for me to wriggle through. 

I actually breathed a thank-you as I turned away. It's crazy how sin makes us miserable, but sometimes we don't realize it until we're on the other side, hmm?

Friends, listen. No temptation has you in it's grip except what we all experience. And God? He's faithful. He won't let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. When you're tempted, He will provide a way out so you can stand up under it. You can count on that one, because well, it's God we're talking about here. 

Today, I almost collapsed under temptation. But God provided a way out just like He promised. And somehow, I stood up under it.

Folks, it's time to stand. You will face temptation today. It's gonna be hard, real hard. But God will provide a way out. Listen; today, it's time to stand. 

Focus

I could feel myself loosing it. I was tensing, preparing, focusing on those poles dead ahead. Canyon did too, his stride quickening and head bobbing up high. Nervous. 
My instructor - she's so wise. How an person can know just exactly what I'm doing wrong is beyond me. It's like she's the one riding, not me. Just in time she spoke:
"Don't even think about the poles. Just focus on your canter,"
My mind twitched, rerouted. The poles were there, approaching fast. But they were of no consequence. For three crucial seconds I focused on Canyon's canter, not the poles. 
I relaxed, gathered my reins, pulled Canyon up under me. 
Then they were behind me; not perfectly done, but done well. 

Get a horse in frame, collected, listening to his rider.... and the obstacles, the jumps, and staying calm around spooky raincoats... they just happen. And they happen so much better, so much simpler, than when the rider sees the jump, the jump, and only that jump. 

My God - He's so wise. How He can know just exactly what I'm doing wrong is very much beyond me. It's like He's the one living, not me. And just in time, He speaks.
Child, don't even think about your mountain-struggles. Just focus on your walk, your ride, your relationship with me.

Because when we focus on Him - loving Him, obeying Him, adoring Him.... everything else fades and it just happens. Those impossible problems, that unraveling to-do list, that dying relationship... God will take us over. 

So trust Him, my friend. Trust Him and take your eyes off that mountain. Focus. Focus on Him. And you're gonna fly.

Shh! A Secret Learning Tool Revealed

I've been blessed to write for the CollgePlus blog once again! The post is about the one thing that made my service-learning course truly come alive. Even if you're not in school, this tool is versatile and can be used to improve a myriad of experiences. Any guesses? Hop on over here to find out what it is!

Like a Little Kid

He climbed up the back of the couch and tumbled backwards into my arms. He danced on top of an upside-down toy that sang him a song. He threw a tiny ball into the air time and time again, tirelessly toddling to pick it up and grin. He made tractor sounds when his parents headed off for a date - no worry here! He bonked his head two or three times, but the dazed look cleared from his face in seconds - on to a new adventure!

Such an adventurous spirit! Such joy! Such bravery! When was the last time I did something unusual and uncomfortable and new - for the sheer joy of discovery? It's been a while. 

This little man inspired me to start discovering again. He inspired me to do something uncomfortable because it will be fun and I'll learn something. He inspired me to keep going, keep moving, keep picking myself up again. 

It might be a hard life, a tiring life. But boy... it's a good life. 

Yes, let me be like a little kid again. 

...but what for?

I'm passionate about being healthy. Believe it or not, I enjoy researching health food (real, whole foods like fruits and veggies, raw dairy, grass fed meat, chia seeds, the list goes on), GMOs, and herbs. I love working out too. Then sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself - and wonder. Here I am, completely wrapped up in healthiness and becoming the best I can possibly be..... but what for? To what end? In a word, why?

Why do I spend so much time learning about "healthy food?"
Why do I eat salads instead of sandwiches?
What's the reason behind the hours I spend working out?

Today I didn't like the answer.

Why do I chase a healthy life? To be beautiful and to live long and to feel good about myself of course!

And I say I'm passionate about Jesus and about His work but today that wasn't what I saw. I'm His child, yes. But I am still far from perfect. That's why He's working on me, sanctifying me.

Today He uncovered my motives and I've got a feeling that's what He'll be working on for a while.

Child, be passionate. Chase health. Be strong and beautiful and wise. But do all that.... to My end. Do all that... for Me. Let Me be your reason. Let Me be your "why."

So yeah. This could be a long journey, because God's got some serious motive-habits to melt away in me. It's probably good to start with some concrete goals:

I will research and learn about health - so I can teach others and improve their health, pointing them to Christ - the true Healer - all the while.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition....
I will pursue excellence in my fitness so I can be strong to help others and to spread the Gospel. So I can point to Christ as my strength.
...or vain conceit...
I will eat healthy, real food to be an example of the self-discipline that comes from walking in the Spirit. Also to live the longest, most productive life I can in order to chase God's calling on my life with energy!
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline.

On Posting, Shards, and an Artist

What do I really have to share with you guys?

Just fragments of a stumbling story, sanctification slowly breaking through the cracks of me.

Sometimes I wonder if my words really make a difference. I mean, I know God is working everything out for a glorious purpose. But what if He wants me to close this chapter and get on with life? Because I really don't write much on this blog.

I have this notion that it takes too much time.

That I need some lightbulb-revelation flecked with gorgeous word pictures if I'm going to ask you to read my posts.

But now that I think on that a bit, I don't think that's the truth. God was pleased with the poor widow's offering of two small coins and not with the rich people's heaps of money. Because she gave all that she had.

Yeah. I don't have much - sometimes my spring of words is all dried up. But God hasn't closed this blog's door yet so He must still be crafting a masterpiece. And these words are still paint on His brush.

So I'll keep writing. But instead of hoarding my coins until I've got a decent offering to bring, I'm going to start giving all that I have. Like the poor widow.

Just the little lessons. Short, honest, messy things. I'll be offering up the bits of this sanctification story as they emerge, smudged and worn like my journal that time I cried as I wrote.

So I'm going to stop trying to bring great offerings for God, trying to help Him out by teaching you some important lessons. I'll leave that to the rich people. This is now God's studio and you'll be seeing the chipped and broken things - all I really have to give.

Because God? He's fantastic at making stained glass. You know - that gorgeous art made of fractured misfit shards. 

Yes. A stained glass studio. My life is the broken being made beautiful. And God? He's awesome so He's both the artist and the very light that will make me shine.

Getting My Wonder Back

I lost it.

Somewhere on this journey, laying forgotten on a battle scene or behind a pride-monument of something I've achieved...

My wonder disapeared.

I didn't know it was gone, just that life was a shade darker than it used to be. It took some subzero temperatures to shock me into seeing it was gone.

It happened last night as I was talking to God. He mentioned that I didn't have a desire to play in the snow this winter like I used to. Images of sparkling white, of hills flying under my plastic sled, and of red cheeks and noses flashed through my mind. It was true. This year I have stayed inside and shuddered at the thought of donning snow pants to face the cold. This year I wanted to be comfortable. I had my excuses lined up and ready to fire. 

 

Why don't you go for a walk outside?

It's ten degrees! Are you kidding me?

Child, it's ten degrees. Go, see what it's like! Listen to the snow squeak underfoot and taste the raw air.

 

Go make that phone call. 

Umm no. I'm comfy right here on the couch, thankyouverymuch. And remember how I hate talking on the phone?

What about doing hard things? You know you'll be ecstatic once you call her. 

Hey. Stop moping around and go do something on your to-do list.

But I'm bored. And I don't feel like doing anything - too much work.

What's that? Isn't action the cure for boredom? Stop idolizing your comfort level and do something worthwhile with your time. Find joy. It's more lasting than comfort, my child.

 

Well. My life sounds fulfilling.

Last night I decided to find my wonder again. I told God that today I would do something just for the wonder of it, like a little kid. 

Once I said yes to God, He didn't leave me struggling to follow through. A single crack of obedience released a flood of wonder-fullness. 

It started with the sunrise. Only this morning the sun did not rise. It shot upwards in a stream of wildfire gold. As if directing its light in a single beam toward heaven, the sun was crowned with a light saber of glory. As I watched, a pillar of fire seemed to rise among the barren trees to the east. Wonder hit me full in the face. It was back! 

 

But wonder didn't stick to the sunrise. It tore through the house, following a sunbeam to light up my breakfast bowl of fruit, crystallizing strawberries in glory. Wonder held my breath in my throat.

                                                    

I found it, guys. Today was brighter, calmer. I smiled for no apparent reasons. I talked to God more. It was a wonderful day.

A wonder-full day.

And you know what? I'm going to chase wonder again tomorrow. Join me, yes? Let's toss comfort aside and run head-long after this wonder. 

Like a kid, tearing downhill on a sled - eyes sparkling like the swirling snow.

Let's stop worrying about the cold and find wonder instead.

The Books I Grew Up On

I didn’t watch TV.

Didn’t play video games.

Didn’t chat on the phone.

And I… uh…. I still don’t have a cell phone.

Goodness, I remember thinking I was headed straight for a mess of sin when I got an MP3 player for Christmas one year!

How did I exist like that?

I grew up on books. And my parent’s guidance and wonderful friends and an occasional movie… but books taught me a bunch. Here are the ones that stand out in my memory: 

• Kisses from Katie. Beautiful story of a girl who followed God’s leading to live in Uganda with a passel of adopted girls. This book gave me a heart for missions and orphans.
• Beautiful Girlhood. Great mom-daughter read about issues of the heart. I loved the old-fashioned tone of this book.

• Do Hard Things. Revealed the crazy-low expectations our culture has for teens and inspired me to rise above them.

• Life of Faith series. I credit these books with giving me a desire for intimacy with Christ. Elsie, Violet, Millie, Kathleen… I looked up to them all (as strange as that sounds) and grew closer to God as a result. They were my role models in print.

• Before You Meet Prince Charming. This was the first book I read about guys and relationships. It taught me the beauty of purity and the wisdom of my parents. I became a staunch believer in “courtship” or “dating with lots of parental involvement and consent.” This book helped me decide for myself that I would not date until I’m ready to get married. (and I’ve stuck with it, by the way!)

• It’s (Not That) Complicated. This takes the whole guys-and-crushes-and-how-do-I-treat-guys to the next level. It showed me that guys and girls can, indeed, have uplifting friendships without getting romantically involved.

• Beyond Waiting. I personally know the author of this book, and it’s as awesome as she is. It taught me that waiting around for Prince Charming is not the way to go. Beyond Waiting encouraged me to live my life – whether or not a guy is on the horizon.

 

What books shaped your life as you grew up? Let me know in the comments!

The Best Books I Read All Year

If you read my post on the CollegePlus blog, you know that reading is AWESOME for you. Maybe you even decided to up your game and read more in 2015 than you did last year – way to go!

I love hearing book recommendations from others. My to-read shelf on Goodreads is growing faster than I can devour the books, but each one looks too good to pass up when someone else recommends it!

Good thing cyber-shelves don’t gather dust.

I’m going to let you in on my five favorite books (in no special order) from 2014 so you* can stuff your to-read shelf like mine!

1.       Counted Worthy. I wish it was longer. It's a dystopian novel with scripture woven beautifully throughout. It kept me glued to the pages and thinking about my commitment to Christ.

2.      Folks, This Ain’t Normal. Don’t open this book until you understand that Joel Salatin, the author, is very opinionated, blunt and committed. He is funny and you’ll learn a lot about the crazy state of our food and our farms, but don’t take anything too personally. He’s a character. ;)

3.      Leadership and Dedication. It’s written by a former Communist who becomes a Christian. But guess what? He’s humble enough to see the tactics of the Communists that worked – things that kept their followers loyal and motivated. A neat perspective, and I learned a bunch from it.

4.       Desiring God. All right friends. If you want to think deeply, see God more clearly, and change your life… read this book. But take your time, because you probably won’t be able to digest it in a rush – it’s that rich.

5.      The Circle Series by Ted Dekker. It’s technically four books, but I didn’t want to bore you listing each one - because I loved all four. These had a great impact on my spiritual life, plus I was blown away by the plot. Great stuff.

What were your favorite books of 2014? Let me know in the comments!

*For any young readers out there, please understand that I am 17 years old, and the content of these books reflect that (besides Counted Worthy, which I believe is appropriate for young teens). Please ask your parents before reading them! Something special just for you young girls is coming on Monday – I’ll not keep you in the dark about awesome books! Stay tuned!

This is the Reason

Hey guys! I'm back! And I want to apologize for that long and uncalled for absence.
But I've brought back a story or two from my disappearance. Last night I was in the car, headed home after several days down South. Lil' brother and I were in the back seat, engrossed in the world of Duck Dynasty. Big brother was tired, driving in the dark, in a traffic jam.
Have you ever been rear-ended by a semi? Well. I have.
It was a fairly gentle rear-ending episode, if there is such a thing. Just a jolt and two scratched up dents on the back of the car.

 

But a semi hit us. After a second of silent shock, we pulled off the interstate and waited for the semi to do the same. But the driver either assumed that bump was the weight of the two trailers behind jolting to a stop... or maybe the driver was in a particularly frustrated hurry. So we scribbled down the license number and called the police. We'd been driving for the entire day, and I had some pressing matters to attend to at home. Big brother was all worked up about the semi driver who'd left us without apologizing.
Our situation was less than ideal.
Mom and I kept talking about the positive side of our situation: no one was hurt, the car was barely dented, maybe the driver didn't even know what had happened!
But let's face it. None of us wanted to be in that situation God had dropped us into.

It seemed like forever before the police car came, but as soon as it pulled up behind us I twisted around in my seat to look.
Crunch.
I whirled around again and looked to my left, where the traffic was still playing stop-and-go. A car had just run into the back of an old CR-V not 50 feet away. And the car's hood was all crunched up and smoking in the dim light.
I could barely contain my excitement - did you see that? This is crazy! The state trooper is already here and everything!
The state trooper glanced into our open window as he walked past, brandishing his powerful flashlight towards oncoming cars. "I'll be right back," he said. And I grinned. Because it was so awesome, so perfect. Great timing, God.

My eyes were riveted to the scene as the state trooper talked to the people in the crunch. Eventually they drove to the berm in front of us. The state trooper swiped at a headlight and dark skid mark on the road with his foot.
After he'd gotten the accident stabilized (there weren't any major injuries), the state trooper returned to us, got the license number of the semi, then sent us on our way.

 

As we pulled back into traffic, I saw a whole new dimension.
Yes, God dropped us into a no-fun situation. But that dropping wasn't so much a dropping as it was a placing. A setting. A timing.
Sometimes things happen to us that appear to be thoroughly nasty. Expensive. Embarrassing. Time consuming.
But then God sweeps aside a curtain and reveals the reasons. With grinning faces, we see the worth to the expense. The resolution of the embarrassment. The profit from the time.

And this new situation is so much richer than before.

God is awesome, y'all. No matter how nasty you're feeling today, remember this story. Who knew that a rear-ending event at the dark close of a long, long day could be so sweet?

But God's good at things like that. The curtain will soon disappear and you'll smile incredulous.

Blogging for CollegePlus!

Some of you may know that I'm doing this crazy program called CollegePlus. I've been testing out of college credits and taking online classes through CollegePlus, and am hoping to have a BA in English in less than two years! CollegePlus is what is making this possible for me. 

Anyway, I was asked to write a post for their blog! Of course I was thrilled... lots of grins and happy dances ensued in the process of writing this post! Go check it out!

Reason vs. Wisdom, the Battle for Your Life

I stood at the dryer, folding my clothes. Dreaming. Cozy-warm shirts and socks matched the thoughts airing in my brain. High ambitions, wild ideas, and sweet hopes I couldn't put into words. 

Do you ever catch a couple voices arguing inside your head? Me too. This brain of mine is a battleground - voices parrying here and there, some defending, some attacking. And apparently whispering dreams are worthy of attack. Hey, hold on a sec, Reason countered my dreams. Before I chase mountain-top achievements and wild-eyed fancies I need to get my life under control. 

I nodded internally. Sounds legit.

No. 

A new voice flew by, chasing Reason down. 

I need to let Jesus have control of my life. And this newcomer tackled Reason with a bold twist of her own words. I'm pretty sure it was the Holy Spirit.

That, my friends, was World Reason vs. Wisdom - a classic battle.

I need to get my life under control became I need to let Jesus have control of my life.

This taking, this getting.... it clashes against the giving. The letting. 

Reason said I need to soldier through with my current tasks before I can chase whatever wild things I wish for my future. Reason said, learn to master your life; be in control of it. Then you will be strong enough and free enough to chase your dreams.

Wisdom said I need to surrender. I need to give up control and self defense, baring myself to the power of Christ. To obediently walk His path. Wisdom said, learn to loose your life. Then God's strength will carry you beyond your wildest dreams and into glory. Chase Christ. 

Remember my internal nod at the voice of reason? It's sad but true. World Reason sounds mighty becoming when it's the only force on the playing field. She sounds true - noble, even. 

And if the Holy Spirit and His Wisdom hadn't shown up, I probably would have followed reason. 

I'm a gullible girl, okay? And that's why it's vital for me to be saturated with the Word of God. His Word is where I find wisdom. His word sharpens my ears to His voice. His word is where I find nourishment so I don't gorge myself on empty world-junk-food.

His word is vital to me. 

Without it I pick up this life I've laid down and start hacking it around, chipping off corners and slicing into others. Without God's Word to show me how to lay down my life, I try to control it myself.

So, the Bible. And the Holy Spirit. And Wisdom. They're The Big Deal, guys. 

Chase them down for all you're worth. Lay down your life and chase Christ.

Because Christ? He. Is. Your. Life.

Just a Thank You

Dear Lord, 

Thank you.

For girls who catch my eyes and capture my heart

For blazing gold painted hills

Songs on the radio

The smell of autumn

And raindrops turned gems on a dark drive home

For tears

And the relief they bring

For struggles

Uncomfortable days that stretch me

For clouds that scuttle across the dripping sky

For feedback so I know this life is actually moving forward

Worn work boots and the strong-humble people wearing them

For polka dots

And I could go on and on

Because you've blessed me so much, Lord. 

Help me to keep going, 

keep thanking,

as the days fly past.

Help me to snag the smiles and laughter 

In a blessed net of thanks.

My life right now

Life's a bit crazy for me right now... here's what I'm up to! 

How to Turn This Shaking Life into Something Crazy-Beautiful

Sometimes my life seems to hang by a thread. This life - the one life I've been entrusted with - grows thin and shaky. Devoid of the fullness Christ died to give me. I struggle through my days, hoping circumstances will change. Because then my life will be robust and full. If things were different, I'd be happy. If things were better, my life would be worth so much more. 

Sometimes I look down and tell God that this thread I'm dangling from isn't enough. That it won't hold me, this fragile leaf of a life. 

Sometimes I squeeze my eyes tight closed when the wind spins me in crazy circles and I wish for calm. 

But in those moments of fear, I don't see the kolidescope of colors flashing around as I twirl dizzy. With eyes closed and wishing, I forget that Christ is holding me. I forget that this life, it's Christ. And Christ isn't a spiderweb that is likely to snap. 

I gave my life to Him, and now He's asking me to throw open my arms and laugh along with the winds that spin me to see God's grace all around. He's asking me to forget how thin my thread of a life looks and to remember that Christ gives me abundant life - because He is life Himself - and all I need to do is open my eyes clenched tight and see it. To forget my fear and live with abandon. Right now. 

I have to remind myself that abundant life can't be found in tomorrow. Abundant life wouldn't be life if it was in the yesterday, dead and gone. So somehow, I need to keep finding Christ's life - abundant, vibrant, giddy with joy life - in the now. 

Because this life...

is beautiful.