Like a Little Kid

He climbed up the back of the couch and tumbled backwards into my arms. He danced on top of an upside-down toy that sang him a song. He threw a tiny ball into the air time and time again, tirelessly toddling to pick it up and grin. He made tractor sounds when his parents headed off for a date - no worry here! He bonked his head two or three times, but the dazed look cleared from his face in seconds - on to a new adventure!

Such an adventurous spirit! Such joy! Such bravery! When was the last time I did something unusual and uncomfortable and new - for the sheer joy of discovery? It's been a while. 

This little man inspired me to start discovering again. He inspired me to do something uncomfortable because it will be fun and I'll learn something. He inspired me to keep going, keep moving, keep picking myself up again. 

It might be a hard life, a tiring life. But boy... it's a good life. 

Yes, let me be like a little kid again. 

...but what for?

I'm passionate about being healthy. Believe it or not, I enjoy researching health food (real, whole foods like fruits and veggies, raw dairy, grass fed meat, chia seeds, the list goes on), GMOs, and herbs. I love working out too. Then sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself - and wonder. Here I am, completely wrapped up in healthiness and becoming the best I can possibly be..... but what for? To what end? In a word, why?

Why do I spend so much time learning about "healthy food?"
Why do I eat salads instead of sandwiches?
What's the reason behind the hours I spend working out?

Today I didn't like the answer.

Why do I chase a healthy life? To be beautiful and to live long and to feel good about myself of course!

And I say I'm passionate about Jesus and about His work but today that wasn't what I saw. I'm His child, yes. But I am still far from perfect. That's why He's working on me, sanctifying me.

Today He uncovered my motives and I've got a feeling that's what He'll be working on for a while.

Child, be passionate. Chase health. Be strong and beautiful and wise. But do all that.... to My end. Do all that... for Me. Let Me be your reason. Let Me be your "why."

So yeah. This could be a long journey, because God's got some serious motive-habits to melt away in me. It's probably good to start with some concrete goals:

I will research and learn about health - so I can teach others and improve their health, pointing them to Christ - the true Healer - all the while.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition....
I will pursue excellence in my fitness so I can be strong to help others and to spread the Gospel. So I can point to Christ as my strength.
...or vain conceit...
I will eat healthy, real food to be an example of the self-discipline that comes from walking in the Spirit. Also to live the longest, most productive life I can in order to chase God's calling on my life with energy!
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline.

On Posting, Shards, and an Artist

What do I really have to share with you guys?

Just fragments of a stumbling story, sanctification slowly breaking through the cracks of me.

Sometimes I wonder if my words really make a difference. I mean, I know God is working everything out for a glorious purpose. But what if He wants me to close this chapter and get on with life? Because I really don't write much on this blog.

I have this notion that it takes too much time.

That I need some lightbulb-revelation flecked with gorgeous word pictures if I'm going to ask you to read my posts.

But now that I think on that a bit, I don't think that's the truth. God was pleased with the poor widow's offering of two small coins and not with the rich people's heaps of money. Because she gave all that she had.

Yeah. I don't have much - sometimes my spring of words is all dried up. But God hasn't closed this blog's door yet so He must still be crafting a masterpiece. And these words are still paint on His brush.

So I'll keep writing. But instead of hoarding my coins until I've got a decent offering to bring, I'm going to start giving all that I have. Like the poor widow.

Just the little lessons. Short, honest, messy things. I'll be offering up the bits of this sanctification story as they emerge, smudged and worn like my journal that time I cried as I wrote.

So I'm going to stop trying to bring great offerings for God, trying to help Him out by teaching you some important lessons. I'll leave that to the rich people. This is now God's studio and you'll be seeing the chipped and broken things - all I really have to give.

Because God? He's fantastic at making stained glass. You know - that gorgeous art made of fractured misfit shards. 

Yes. A stained glass studio. My life is the broken being made beautiful. And God? He's awesome so He's both the artist and the very light that will make me shine.

To Make it Modest | Swimsuit 2015

So it's the middle of winter and I'm doing a post on bathing suits. But I figure if I put it off until the weather is warm, my motivation to write this post might have melted away.... ;)

My brothers can't understand why I spend so much time and brain power looking for the perfect bathing suit. They don't get how hard it is to find one that is pretty and modest! 

 

I typically order a top from Lands End then alter it so it fits my modesty standards. My bathing suit ends up being modest, but sometimes not necessarily cute. Next summer, however, that will not be the case! I found a pretty tankini that I'm almost comfortable in just how it is!

The neckline, however, is a tad low and the tankini is almost too short. I decided to add a ruffle on the top and bottom to add length both ways. 

I measured around the bottom hem and did some math; because I wanted a full ruffle, I multiplied that measurement by 2.5. I wanted a 1 inch ruffle, so I made a strip 2 inches wide and as long as my calculation (hem circumference x 2.5). My piece of fabric wasn't very long so I ended up cutting two strips I sewed together to form one long strip. You could do it either way - one long strip or two shorter ones sewed together.

I turned my strips into a big loop by sewing the short ends together, right sides of the fabric together. I ran two rows of gathering stitches - stitches set to the longest setting - along one edge of the loop. 

Then I pinned the right side of the ruffle fabric to the wrong side of the tankini hem. I matched up the side seams on both the ruffle and tankini, as well as half way between those spots and then halfway between those. The ruffle looked super huge at this point, but that was quickly fixed!

I pulled those gathering stitches tight and gathered all the way around, spacing the gathers and pinning as I went. 

It looked like this when I got all the way around:

Up close - my gathering and pinning job:

I decided to sew the ruffle in place by hand, because I have had trouble keeping the tension smooth when I've added fabric to the bottom of tankinis when I used my machine before. The hem of the tankini had a double row of stitching, so I zig-zagged my stitches on the inside, alternating between each row. It turned out to be a good choice, as it provided stretch and a smooth finish.

At this point I was getting pretty excited - ruffles are a new level of cuteness I've not experienced before on my swimsuits!

I measured, calculated, cut, gathered, and sewed the ruffle for the top edge just like the bottom, but it actually turned out a little over-the-top. The 1 inch tall, intense ruffle was just too much right by my face. So I ripped out the stitches and trimmed the ruffle. I don't have exact measurements, but it was probably 1 1/2 inches tall instead of 2. And I made the strip shorter - not sure how much - so the ruffle wasn't so pronounced. Then I sewed, pinned, gathered, and stitched it back on again, and was happier with the results! This is the second version of the ruffle:

I am very happy with how it turned out! Paired with some navy board shorts, I'm all set for summer! 

Have you struggled with finding a modest bathing suit? Ever altered one to make it more so? I'd love to hear about it in the comments! 

Getting My Wonder Back

I lost it.

Somewhere on this journey, laying forgotten on a battle scene or behind a pride-monument of something I've achieved...

My wonder disapeared.

I didn't know it was gone, just that life was a shade darker than it used to be. It took some subzero temperatures to shock me into seeing it was gone.

It happened last night as I was talking to God. He mentioned that I didn't have a desire to play in the snow this winter like I used to. Images of sparkling white, of hills flying under my plastic sled, and of red cheeks and noses flashed through my mind. It was true. This year I have stayed inside and shuddered at the thought of donning snow pants to face the cold. This year I wanted to be comfortable. I had my excuses lined up and ready to fire. 

 

Why don't you go for a walk outside?

It's ten degrees! Are you kidding me?

Child, it's ten degrees. Go, see what it's like! Listen to the snow squeak underfoot and taste the raw air.

 

Go make that phone call. 

Umm no. I'm comfy right here on the couch, thankyouverymuch. And remember how I hate talking on the phone?

What about doing hard things? You know you'll be ecstatic once you call her. 

Hey. Stop moping around and go do something on your to-do list.

But I'm bored. And I don't feel like doing anything - too much work.

What's that? Isn't action the cure for boredom? Stop idolizing your comfort level and do something worthwhile with your time. Find joy. It's more lasting than comfort, my child.

 

Well. My life sounds fulfilling.

Last night I decided to find my wonder again. I told God that today I would do something just for the wonder of it, like a little kid. 

Once I said yes to God, He didn't leave me struggling to follow through. A single crack of obedience released a flood of wonder-fullness. 

It started with the sunrise. Only this morning the sun did not rise. It shot upwards in a stream of wildfire gold. As if directing its light in a single beam toward heaven, the sun was crowned with a light saber of glory. As I watched, a pillar of fire seemed to rise among the barren trees to the east. Wonder hit me full in the face. It was back! 

 

But wonder didn't stick to the sunrise. It tore through the house, following a sunbeam to light up my breakfast bowl of fruit, crystallizing strawberries in glory. Wonder held my breath in my throat.

                                                    

I found it, guys. Today was brighter, calmer. I smiled for no apparent reasons. I talked to God more. It was a wonderful day.

A wonder-full day.

And you know what? I'm going to chase wonder again tomorrow. Join me, yes? Let's toss comfort aside and run head-long after this wonder. 

Like a kid, tearing downhill on a sled - eyes sparkling like the swirling snow.

Let's stop worrying about the cold and find wonder instead.